What do you do when a young person is struggling?

It can be difficult to be close to a young person who is not thriving. Frustrations build, conflicts escalate and a sense of powerlessness can come over you. What do you do when you see a young person struggling with things you want to take away from them but can't?

At headspace Family, we don't have a definitive answer to this difficult equation, but we do have understanding, perspectives and experiences that may help you.

A good relationship is the foundation for helping the young person. When the young person feels safe, it is easier for them to open up about their problems. It is therefore important that you as a parent or relative do not try to solve the problem, but instead try to be a safe haven where your child or other young person you are related to can vent their thoughts.

If you find that you have good conversations with the young person at certain times, for example on long drives or after dinner, you may want to pay extra attention to whether the young person has something on their mind.

Sometimes, the young person may seek you out at times that are less than optimal for your own schedule. It could be just before bedtime, while you're in the middle of doing the dishes, or when you have to go to bed early because you have a meeting at work tomorrow. In these situations, it's easy to lose your energy and presence. If you can, stop and see if you can be in the moment with them. If they can feel that they can come to you no matter the time or situation, it will strengthen your bond.

We all know that it can be difficult to describe how we feel - the same can be true for young people. However, parents and caregivers may hold the key to starting a conversation that can help the young person put their feelings into words.

When we try to be open and curious about what the young person is telling us, they will feel that they are being heard and understood. In these conversations, it may be a good idea to hold back on giving advice and just listen to what they are saying. This shows respect for their thoughts and feelings.

You can legitimately ask what they are describing. If you sense that the young person is struggling to describe how they feel, you may need to do some detective work. You may need to ask how they feel about what they're saying or if they have any thoughts about what the next step could be.

It can feel like you're not really hearing the young person when you try to be solution-oriented, but instead focus on fixing something that was perhaps mostly some difficult thoughts the young person needed to get out.

It can also feel like a form of hidden criticism of the young person, because even though it is rarely the intention, it can feel like you are saying that the young person should think and react differently. At the same time, it can create insecurity in the young person's belief in their own abilities.

We understand that as a parent or caregiver it can be difficult to see the young person in pain, and therefore you are inclined to want to help. However, despite the pain, it's often more important to say “It makes sense that you feel this way.” It creates genuine contact and builds rapport and trust. And when the young person genuinely needs your help, they'll let you know. In headspace Family, we often find that young people know how to solve their problems themselves.

Perhaps you've been in a situation where the young person didn't come to school, didn't do their homework, or didn't want to talk to you. It's a vicious cycle, and you may lie awake most nights wondering what to do. It can feel hopeless and sad to see your child or loved one struggling with things in life.

Although it can feel a little discouraging, it's important that your focus is on things that the young person succeeds at. It could be that they made it to soccer or horseback riding, got up when the alarm went off, and made that long-awaited doctor's appointment.

Whether it's big things or small things, you help both the young person and yourself by focusing on all the good things that are happening. And even if it doesn't seem like much at first, you're also helping them to recognize the things that are being accomplished and succeeding. This will help them gain more self-confidence, which will enable them to achieve much more in the long run.

It can be hard and emotionally draining when a young person is not thriving. It is therefore essential to take care of yourself in order to be a good support for the young person.

Prioritize things that give you energy and energy. This could be exercise, hobbies, socializing or time for relaxation - like a cup of coffee in the garden or listening to an interesting podcast.

Although it can feel difficult to prioritize your own needs, it is necessary in order to be there for the young person in a sustainable way. If you don't have the energy yourself, it can be difficult to be there for them.

When you prioritize self-care, you also show them how to take care of themselves. Good role models can help young people do good things for themselves, which ultimately helps them.

Do you need someone to talk to?

At headspace Family, we offer both individual and family counseling with a focus on mental well-being for everyone, venting frustrations and addressing the situation that the family and relatives are facing. You can read more about our free call offer right here.

Source of information
Line Boie Mauritsson